Far easier said than done, isn't it? It would be much easier to continually remind my children of all they need to do and then to "rescue" them when they don't follow through or when life hands them the short end of the straw.
I had an opportunity this week to choose to let a lesson be learned the hard way or to swoop in to rescue my 7 year old.
Katelyn began 2nd grade this year. And with 2nd grade in our house comes an added level of responsibility. You are responsible for packing your own lunch, snack and water bottle and getting ready for school by 7:30am when Daddy pulls out of the garage. If your backpack is not packed or your hair isn't brushed, it's tough luck! You are going to school as is.
On Tuesday Katelyn took longer than usual to eat her breakfast and so she didn't have time to pack her snack and fill her water bottle. Fortunately she was buying her lunch that day ("Breakfast for lunch," which is served every other Tuesday in the school cafeteria, is a favorite) so it didn't matter that her lunch wasn't packed. The girls loaded into Brad's car and he dropped them off at school. I knew she had forgotten the snack and water bottle and so I emailed her teacher, Ms. Green, as soon as the girls left to let her know that Katelyn was going to be in a pickle that day. I informed her that I wasn't going to be bailing Katelyn out of her dilemma and this will likely result in tears. Thankfully Ms. Green agreed that this was a good learning opporunity.
Now, several things could have gone differently if I had not made up my mind several years ago not to be a "helicopter parent." I could have reminded Katelyn to hurry up and eat breakfast because she needed to pack her snack and water bottle. I could have done it for her while she was eating breakfast. I could have even done it for her after she left and dropped it at school later that morning. But really, what does that teach my child? That when life is hard, you should expect someone to rescue you? That when you forget to carry your responsibility, there are no consequences because Mommy and Daddy will be there to provide what you forgot?
I read in a magazine the other day about a lady who helped her brother and sister-in-law refinance their house because their credit was bad so they were denied, and now that she wants to buy a car, she was denied a loan because of her credit rating? Is that how I want my child to end up living? Please understand that I am not talking about being harsh and uncompassionate and merciless. I realize that there is a time to step in and help as Proverbs 31:8-9 state, "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." But as a parent, my responsibility is to teach my children that every choice we make has consequences. And isn't it better to learn that lesson with something small like a forgotten snack and water bottle while she's still under my loving care than later when the bad choice has bigger consequences like jail or a fine or when it affects someone else's life?
You may be wondering what happened when Katelyn came home. Remember that she didn't know that I knew she had forgotten her snack and water. When I picked up the girls, she looked rather forlorn so I asked if she wanted to talk about something when we got home. She did so we sat in my room and chatted. She cried and shared that she had forgotten her snack and water and was so hungry and thirsty. Her mouth was so dry and it ruined her entire day. I empathized and held her and then we came up with a plan so this doesn't happen again.
She loves the Barbie movie version of the "The 3 Musketeers" (despite the fact that 4 women rescue a prince! The women's lib nonsense drives me crazy but that's for another day.) So I suggested that sometime after school each day she packs her 3 Musketeers (lunch, snack and water bottle). The 3 are never apart and work together to keep her healthy. She thought that was so funny, and it looks promising that she won't forget her 3 Musketeers anytime soon.
I debated whether to tell her that I knew she had forgotten them and eventually did. I told her that I knew it was a hard lesson for her and I was tempted to "rescue" her but what would that teach her? I told her that when she goes to college one day, there will be no one to tell her to do her homework and no one to even make her go to class for that matter. If I don't teach her responsibility in the little things now, I'm doing her a great disservice as an adult. My wise daughter shared my insight and agreed.
Won't you join Brad and me in our efforts to make responsible adults instead of adults who expect to be "rescued" from life's consequences?
.JPG)
