Words can't express how much I love this little girl! I know you must feel the same way about your children. She is funny, sweet, fun to be around, energetic, friendly, lively, carefree, persistent, and brave. I admire her greatly. For almost 11 years, she has endured more than I thought she ever would. Never in my wildest dreams when she was diagnosed with her genetic disorder at one week of age would I have imagined all that she has gone through. This is not the path I would have chosen for her. This is not the path I would have chosen for myself. And yet, I would not trade being her Mommy for anything in the world. The Lord has taught me more through being her Mommy than from any other experience I've had.
But it's hard to watch her suffer... to know that she may not actually know what if feels like to be healthy, to wake up feeling "normal." She doesn't know this of course because she may have never felt "normal" - I don't know. I would do anything to take her place - to suffer in her stead - and yet this is the path the Lord has laid for her. He CHOSE this path. No accident. No oversight on his part. He created her little body just the way it is with part of the 22nd chromosome missing. Even with a teeny tiny part of a chromosome missing, so much can go "wrong" by human standards. If only we would see a missing part as "right" and purposeful. If only we as humans would not decide for ourselves what is "normal." If only we would see through the eyes of our heavenly Father.
The Lord Jesus often reminds me that he makes no mistakes. His Word speaks Truth and in his Word he says he created each of us exactly as we are. Every single one of the days of our lives are written and planned out before they even come to be (Psalm 139). We are born in the place and year we are born by his placement. Nothing God does is without purpose.
Last week was especially rough as I spoke with 3 of Kirsten's doctors about issues regarding her ears, heart and lungs. It was overwhelming. It was scary. It was sad. It was way more than I could handle. In my distress the Lord Jesus reminded me that he knows how I feel and that I'm not alone in this. I do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with my weaknesses, but I have one who has been tempted in every way, just as I am - yet was without sin. So let me approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that I may receive mercy and find grace to help me in my time of need (Hebrews 4:15-16).
God knows how it feels to watch his child suffer. He sent his Son to die a brutal death and had to turn his head away as Jesus hung on that cross. Our holy God could not look at the sin that Jesus took on himself as he hung on the cross. Jesus felt forsaken by his own Father. And he did it all for me. So I can relate to him. So I can believe him when he says he knows how I feel. He did it to set me free of my sin. He did it because he loves me.
And if he loves me enough to die for me, I can trust him with my life, with Kirsten's life, with my family. If God, the Creator of the universe, loves me enough to send his own Son to suffer and die for me, he can give me the endurance and love and grace to persevere as I watch my Kirsten live the life he's given her.
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