A while back my brother sent me this post about how to pray effectively for my husband. I love the author's honesty. I printed out the article and keep it in my Bible. This summer I've prayed through the list for Brad. I love that I can choose one to two topics per day and pray specifically.

It was dinner time and I stood in the kitchen cutting up vegetables for a salad. Feeling bone weary, I prayed in my heart, “God, please bring my husband home from work on time tonight.” I stood in front of the sink to rinse off a cucumber and heard a loud crash coming from my boy’s room, followed by the sound of crying. Sighing, I turned off the water and headed for their room, still praying that my husband would hurry home.

Not too long ago, I realized that most of my prayers for my husband centered on me and my needs. They stemmed more from my selfishness. I prayed he would come home on time, prayed he would get the bonus we hoped for, and prayed he would watch the kids so I could sleep in. I even prayed that God would change all the things that frustrated me about him. No doubt, my prayers for my husband were seriously lacking.

It was in reading Paul’s prayers to the churches in Ephesus, Colossians and Philippi where I learned the heart of prayer. Paul’s prayers centered on the spiritual growth of the people he was writing to. For example, “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe” (Ephesians 1:17-19). Paul essentially prayed through the gospel. He prayed for the power of the gospel to change and transform the believers he wrote to. While Paul certainly prayed for God’s provision and for other practical needs, the core and foundation of his prayers for others centered on their walk with Christ.

I want to pray for my husband the way Paul prayed for the New Testament churches. And indeed, sometimes I actually pray through the prayers of Paul. But I also want the gospel to be the foundation of all my prayers, including those of my own design. I want to pray for the gospel to be at work in my husband’s heart each day. I want to pray for the gospel to be the lens through which he views all of life. And I want him to be strengthened and empowered by the truths of gospel as he lives out God’s calling for him.

Praying for the gospel to be at work in my husband’s heart and life is transforming, not only for him, but for me as well. I learn to let go of trying to change things about my husband and trust in God to do the changing He desires. Focusing on the gospel in my prayers changes the posture of my heart from relying on my strength to resting in the power of God’s grace. As I pray for the gospel to be at work in my husband’s heart, I am also reminded of how much I too need the gospel each and every day. It also reminds me that all of life is a gift of grace and that prayer is the entrance into receiving that grace.
In an effort to focus on the power of God’s grace to be at work in my husband, I came up with a list of suggested topics to pray through, one for each day of the month:

Pray for him to apply the gospel to his life each day.
Pray for him to grow deeper in faith.
Pray for him to trust in God during times of uncertainty.
Pray for him to love God above all other things.
Pray for a passion for God’s Word.
Pray that God would reveal to him the idols in his heart.
Pray for a greater awareness of sin and of his forgiveness through Christ.
Pray for a desire to serve God by helping those who need the love of Christ.
Pray for him to be a witness in his place of work.
Pray for him to forgive others just as he has been forgiven.
Pray for him to resist temptations that arise in his workplace.
Pray for a desire to be a godly spiritual leader.
Pray for him to honor God in his use of money.
Pray for him to honor God in his use of time.
Pray for him to honor God in his speech.
Pray for growth in his prayer life.
Pray for the fruits of the Spirit to grow in him.
Pray that God would protect his mind and heart from evil.
Pay that God would use him in the advancement of the Kingdom.
Pray for his friendships, that God would help him to develop and keep godly friendships that encourage him in the gospel.
Pray that he would have a growing desire to show God’s love and grace to the children.
Pray that he would live each day as if it were his last, to God’s glory.
Pray for your marriage, that you and he would grow closer to each other.
Pray that your marriage would reflect the love of Christ with the church.
Pray that Christ would be the center of your relationship.
Pray that the two of you would be united in parenting.
Pray for opportunities to serve the Kingdom together as a couple.
Pray for opportunities for you to be an encouragement to your husband.
Pray for greater grace and understanding between the two of you.
Pray for greater communication between the two of you.
Pray for your own heart, that you would love, honor, and respect him.

By Christina Fox

Thank you to my wise sister-in-law, Nicole Lino, for directing me to iMom. I love this article about protecting your marriage! Wise, wise words, my friends.

Marriage & Love
15 Ways to Protect Your Marriage

Every marriage has unique challenges and threats, but consider the following safeguards to help protect your marriage.

1. No secrets. There’s never a good reason to keep a secret from your spouse. We’re not talking about what your real hair color is, ladies. We’re talking about where the money goes, where you’ve been, and what’s really going on in your relationship and family. Honesty is essential.

2. No opposite-sex friendships. You can be friends with other couples together, but it’s a terrible idea for you to have a close relationship with anyone of the opposite sex outside of that.

3. No porn. It may be quietly acceptable in some social circles, but it’s the cancer that’s ruining the sex lives of countless married couples. Real life can never measure up to the hyper-sexualized world of pornography, and exposure to it can rob you of the chance for a natural, fulfilling relationship. This goes for both partners, and includes erotic fiction.

4. Agree upon work boundaries. Understanding that professional men and women work together, and that many affairs begin in this environment, it’s important for you and your spouse to agree on some ground rules to protect either of you from falling into this trap. Special caution should be taken with business travel.

5. Know your spouse’s co-workers. Don’t skip that office Christmas party, and if possible, have at least a little familiarity with any secretaries or assistants who work daily with your spouse. Pop in to take him to lunch occasionally—not as surveillance, but just to be familiar with his world and to spot trouble if it arrives.

6. Negotiate the family budget and then stick to it. The two of you should decide together how your income will be used and what your financial goals are. Once those guidelines are set, failing to live within them is dishonest and unfair. If something unusual comes up—talk about it. But be transparent about who’s spending what.

7. Decide together on boundaries for the kids. Disagreeing on parenting can be toxic to your marriage and disastrous for your kids. Talk about what the rules and expectations for the children should be, and then support one another by sticking to your joint decision.

8. Beware of extreme time-eating hobbies. It’s fine to have individual interests, but if your hobby or passion causes you to spend time with others more than your spouse, you might soon feel like you have more in common with those outside people. Limit the hours spent on separate endeavors each week, or find something you enjoy doing together.

9. Be loyal. It’s a mean world out there. Your spouse needs to be able to count on you to speak positively about him and defend him if necessary. Avoid friends who love to engage in husband-bashing or who find such behavior cute.

10. Share your faith together. Couples who share a similar faith and communicate regularly about that have an anchor to help them make decisions, and a set of fundamental beliefs to keep their thinking in harmony on most issues.

10 Ways to Pray for Your Husband

10 Ways to Pray for Your Marriage

11. Don’t assume, ask. While there are some things you can probably guess your spouse’s reaction to, be careful not to assume too much. When in doubt, ask.

12. Transparent communication. The only reason to have a cell phone or online password that your spouse doesn’t know is if you have something to hide. Both partners in a marriage should be completely comfortable with having their spouse look at any social media accounts, text messages, or other forms of communication.

Explaining Your Needs to Your Husband

13. Be accountable. It’s not a sign of a lack of trust for married couples to check in with one another—it’s a sign of the times we live in. If you’re going to be late, call and let your spouse know. If you’re going to lunch with a group from the office, shoot your spouse a quick text to say so. Finding out about these things later, or being left to wonder about a husband or wife’s whereabouts breeds suspicion and resentment.

14. Taboo Topics. You’re married. That means it’s no longer OK to talk about sex around members of the opposite sex (especially as it pertains to you personally), and it’s definitely not OK to flirt, no matter how much you insist that it’s nothing. Every affair in the history of the world started out as “nothing.”

15. Be careful with Girls/Guys Night Out. If you or your spouse likes to get together with friends on occasion, make sure they’re like-minded friends who won’t drag either of you into a situation your spouse wouldn’t be comfortable with, or that puts your marital integrity at risk.